NOVEMBER CLOWN OF THE MONTH
This is why they call it Risky Business…
Rock Band commercials…don’t try them at home!
That’s gotta be a concussion!
OCTOBER CLOWN OF THE MONTH
He Put It In The Wrong Hole!! – VIDEO
For those guys who have slipped it in the wrong hole, and those girls who have a butt loose enough to allow that to happen, this is for you.
SEPTEMBER CLOWN OF THE MONTH
_______ Moan Louder Than Humans During Sex…
AUGUST CLOWN OF THE MONTH
Hilarious 80′s Speed Dating Clips!
JULY CLOWN OF THE MONTH
Priceless: Geoff Sleeping With A Teddy Bear…
Ikea bed frame: $200
Serta mattress: $600
Target bedding set: $150
Getting caught sleeping with your teddy bear…
PRICELESS
JUNE CLOWN OF THE MONTH
Artie Lang Clowns Joe Buck On His Own Show!! OUCH!
Sample quotes:
“Joe, TMZ is your favorite website? What’s your second, suckingcock.com?”
“You think I care about you smoking a cigarette after what you just laid out here?” Buck said, leading Lange to say, “Fuck it, let’s do it bro” and lit up. “No, don’t, please!” Buck said. “Say what you mean!” Lange said back.
MAY CLOWN OF THE MONTH
Backstreet Boys’ I Want It That Way — Asianized
I know this video is old-school, but it’s a classic excuse for a good clowning. A few things here:
- Look at the intro…they actually think they’re “the coolest”. WAF!
- What the f$ck is up with the Jim Carrey-wannabe on the left…he uses the most exaggerated, over the top facial expressions and head gestures I’ve seen on an Asian!
- The kid in the background doesn’t move once! A sign that this has unfortunately been rehearsed a few hundreds times too many.
- Note, the Boy Band lifestyle is dangerous…the kid on the left actually has a cast on his wrist (which he uses as a mic in the next rehearsal).
My final question here is, are the HJ’s done before or after the performance? Wet or dry?
APRIL CLOWN OF THE MONTH
WOW – Happy Belated Earth Day – WATCH!
Let’s be honest, it’s 2009 and taking care of the Earth is “in” [P.C. -2009]. I’ll even admit Al Gore dazzled me with his movie, An Inconvenient Truth. No kidding, he had colored bar charts, graphs, pictures, movie clips, and everything else an ADD person like myself needs to be convinced. To you Al, I applaud you…however, while you’re off celebrating the new 2009 Cadallac Escalade Hybrid that recently launched, we have your emotional, extremist, tree hugging, group of hippies below that are just taking it to a whole new extreme…PLEASE take a look!!
Tree Huggers Crying Over Dead Trees
MARCH CLOWN OF THE MONTH
Daffy Duck Gives Birth to Real Child!!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the World’s First Duck-Human Hybrid. Note the abnormally large mouth, slurring, and daffy-duck-style speech.
Whether the rumors are true that this 12 year old boy is a direct descendant of Daffy Duck is yet to be determined. It has been confirmed that he is in fact blood-related to one of the famous duck characters. DNA tests are pending, but the group of potential fathers include…
FEBRUARY CLOWN OF THE MONTH
The Best Video Clowntowns EVER
Please make sure to watch the WHOLE ENTIRE video…it gets better and better!!!
Introducing Joaquin Phoenix’s interview on Dave Letterman
JANUARY CLOWN OF THE MONTH
COP FRISKS PENIS
During a casual Sunday stroll through the park, an officer decides to frisk down a young gentlemen. Although “its cold outside”, this guy’s packin heat!
Officer: What’s this?
Dude: Ugh…that’s my penis.
Officer: That’s your penis, alright…sorry about that.
DECEMBER CLOWN OF THE MONTH
PRICELESS: DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM
bebe dress: $249
Victoria Secret panties: $18
Round of dirty martinis: $109
Having your unshaved pubes caught on camera: PRICELESS
SNL DIGITAL SHORT: J*** IN MY PANTS
HAHAHAHAHA HILARIOUS!
NOVEMBER CLOWN OF THE MONTH
PRICELESS
Designer shades: $399
Adobe Photoshop: $799
Digital Camera: $239
Having this as your Facebook profile picture: PRICELESS
OCTOBER CLOWNS OF THE MONTH
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE’S HURT?
The obnoxious grunting perhaps…haha!
WHAT A DIVA!!!
Take a look as scarlet poses and struts her “stuff”…
SEPTEMBER CLOWN OF THE MONTH
THE GAY DRAGON VS. THE EUROPEAN STUD
AUGUST CLOWNS OF THE MONTH
DATELINE: TO CATCH A PREDATOR PARODY
This is hilarious and extremely vulgar haha! Check it out!!
CRACKWHORE GOES CRAZY!!!
What a f*$kin crazy crackhead!!!!
JULY CLOWN OF THE MONTH
AMERICAN IDOL’S OWN “PANTHER”
PLEASE WATCH THIS…THE WHOLE THING!!! IT’S ONE OF THE FUNNIEST VIDEOS I’VE SEEN IN A WHILE.
“I might be blowing up as big as Michael Jackson. Maybe bigger.” HAHAHAHA!!!
JUNE CLOWN OF THE MONTH
THE DYSFUNCTIONAL HOGAN FAMILY
Now this is some real drama…where’s the TV show to cover this stuff! It seems like the Hogan family is in a “glass case of emotion” with no escape in site. Where to begin on this…
Nick Hogan was recently sentenced to 8 months in prison for the reckless driving accident that left his good friend John Graziano with permanent brain damage and to put it more bluntly, a vegetable. Within 2 hours of the accident, alcohol was found in Nick’s blood. Nonetheless Nick seemingly blames John for not wearing his seatbelt. He recently offered this statement:
“Nick and the entire ‘Hogan’ Bollea family are saddened that criminal charges have been filed in regards to the tragic single car accident on August 26, 2007. Nick will meet and answer these charges in the appropriate arena – a court of law. The family’s primary focus and concern still remains for the continued recovery of Nick’s longtime friend John Graziano. The Bolleas will also continue to stand by the Graziano family and help them in any way they can.
The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his. Because of what happened to John, the entire Bollea family will make it a priority to increase public awareness about the importance of always wearing your seatbelt.
There has been much speculation as to the speed and wet road conditions surrounding this accident. Although all the evidence has not been evaluated, preliminary reports from the experts indicate that this was not, in fact, a high-speed accident”.
A witness stated that Hogan had been speeding on the Florida highway at speeds in excess of 100 mph. With all the facts in line: the speed he was traveling, the alcohol in his system, and the tragic state of his friend, you’d think this clown could offer a little more sympathy and accept the blame.
Good thing he was driving his sweet yellow Supra…bet he looked awesome down in South Beach pretending he was Paul Walker in The Fast and Furious. Next time, pretend your the Asian goober in The Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift and just spin your ass in a circle…probably a lot safer for everyone else!
Now on to Hulk. So Hulk I know everyone’s probably told you, but psst…your new woman looks just like your daughter. Kinda weird if ya ask me.
Top is Hulk’s girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel. Bottom is Hulk’s daughter, Brooke Hogan.
So this is what Hulk and his new girlfriend really look like. Ugh that’s sick…I’ll tell you what, makeup was created for a reason. There has to be some way to make it waterproof…if they already have waterproof makeup they should sponsor this bitch! “Don’t look like this in the water…wear waterproof makeup”. Hulk come on, clean it up…your boobs are so droopy it literally looks like your nipples might melt off!
And finally Linda. You really hit rock bottom haven’t you. You’re 48 years old and you’ve finally divorced Hulk so you can date the 19 year old dude that takes care of your boats. Are you serious!! You’re almost 30 years older than this dude! If you aren’t the definition of cougar, I don’t know what is.
MAY CLOWN OF THE MONTH
A 7 YEAR OLD STEALS HIS GRANDMA’S CAR B/C HIS MOM TOOK AWAY THE VIDEO GAMES FOR THE WEEKEND!!!
“I wanna do it cuz it’s fun. Fun to do bad things. Drive into a car”
“Did you know you could perhaps kill somebody?”
“Yea, but I wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friends.”
APRIL CLOWN OF THE MONTH
Are you serious woman!!?? What the hell kind of drugs are you on??!!!
Since you can take it and since you don’t have low self esteem we’ll go over the top 10 reasons you’re a CLOWN!!!!!!
10) No one watches your show and if they do they’re probably also watching Maury Povich or Jerry Springer. Start giving paternity tests and maybe your ratings will go up.
9) Your forehead is the size of the titanic.
8 ) Only lonely women and homos will watch your show…take it down a notch on the Woman’s Rights Movement moment of your show and you might expand your audience.
7) Stop crying and flailing your arms around like an 8 year old throwing a temper tantrum.
6)) You’re eight feet tall. Why don’t you try the WNBA? You could put your “Woman’s Rights Movement” towards a good use and try to pull up their inept reputation.
5) It’s hard to tell what’s worse…your talk show or America’s Top Model. Video clips of each show up each week all over the internet and “The Soup” clowning on you making an ass out of yourself!
4) Don’t lie to us, we know you’re starving yourself. The sad part is you’re still a size 14 and you probably eat 2 meals of cotton balls and mustard each day.
3) I think most of us have a problem with you standing like “that”. You look like a preggo. Get outta here. Next you’re gonna wonder why people don’t like smelling your rank ass farts.
2) The woman who need your pathetic pep talks probably aren’t going to take your “cry myself to sleep” spiel serious. If anything, they’ll think if they get your size double D boobs everything will be alright. But that’s ok right…those implants will make everything better!
1) You’re ARE NOT Oprah. You can try as hard as you want to increase the ratings of your worthless show, but you will not be like Oprah. Shouldn’t you preach that one day on your show:
Be yourself…DON’T TRY TO BE OPRAH!!!!
CLOWN!!!!!
MARCH CLOWN OF THE MONTH
RESEMBLENCE…OR IS IT JUST ME??
FEBRUARY CLOWN OF THE MONTH
ALTHOUGH CLOWNTOWNS IS A FAIRLY NEW PHENOMENON, THIS ONE IS A SURE HALL-OF-FAMER!!!
Thank you Britney Hilton Reid for your contribution to Clowntowns!
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